Happiness Epic Fail: Running

My kids like to watch "epic fail" videos. These are videos of amateurs doing stunts that go horribly wrong.  A man tries to jump off his roof into his backyard pool and misses, a teenager tries to grind

My sister (left) at a cross-country meet, shortly after throwing up.

her skateboard on a stairway handrail and misses, a woman runs into the middle of a frozen pond and falls through.

Think America's Funniest Home Videos with an edge and occasionally even an obviously broken bone.

I have tried a lot of different strategies for fixing my life since my husband died almost four years ago. I'm having some success -- see Serial and My Kids -- but there are some serious epic fails.

For example, there was my attempt to take up biking that ended with me being hit by a car. Epic fail #1.

But even before that, I tried running.

Why shouldn't running fix my life? I could get in shape, work up to 10k races, run a marathon or two and move to the Olympics from there. I would reduce my levels of stress hormones like cortisol, release dopamine into my system, and what about the runner's high?

I used to run all the time, in high school cross-country and track. The photo is of my sister after a cross-country race. Doesn't she look happy?

Well, no. I think she had just thrown up, to be perfectly frank.

Wasn't I happy when I ran? There was the excitement of competition, camaraderie among teammates, a sense of mastery and accomplishment, better sleep at night. Think of any physical, mental, or emotional ailment, and chances are that physical activity will help. Sometimes a lot. 

So I fired up my C25k (Couch to 5k) app, shuffled my jogging playlist on iTunes, and went running. Many times. In fact, I think I've worked through the entire C25k training program four or five times.

But I forgot that running hurts, and only sometimes in ways that are character-building. In high school I used to wish during cross-country races that I would twist my ankle so I wouldn't have to finish. So I could end the pain of running. I never dropped out of a race, and often won, and I have my high tolerance for pain today to thank for that.

But my knees are done. They have done quite enough running for one lifetime, thank you very much.

Turns out running will not fix my life. 

On the positive side, I've been watching Bob's Burgers for the last couple of weeks. It's not going to fix my life either, but it is very funny. (Watch the episode where Tina gets addicted to espresso, "The Unnatural.")

What's making you happy this week?